If you are shy, feel lonely or socially anxious, ask yourself if it’s maybe only because you’re an introvert.
Others have convinced me that I am all these until I realized that the whole time I was just an introvert. And that it’s a good, not a bad thing.
Why do someone’s quiet nature and silence bother some people?
Why do communicative people think of a quiet person as a freak?
Why do introverts have a bad reputation?
In Psychology, introversion is defined as:
- The act of directing one’s interest inward or to things within the self.
- The state of being concerned primarily with one’s own thoughts and feelings rather than with the external environment.
At GoodTherapy.org introversion is defined as a personality trait that includes the tendency to be inwardly oriented and to gather strength or energy from being alone, rather than in the company of others.
What do people think of us introverts?
- We must change ourselves
- Something is wrong with us
- We have a personality disorder
- We are stupid because we don’t talk and express our opinions
- Shy and antisocial
- Reserved and psychopathic
- Sad and depressive
- We are full of dark secrets
As you see, there is a lot of misunderstanding among people about introverts. The prejudices that society has about silent and quiet people are shaking our confidence as well.
My past as an introvert has been filled with suffering and a loss of self.
My past of being an introvert
I used to be very calm, quiet and withdrawn. But I didn’t feel bad until other people started to tease me because I don’t talk much and because I am quiet.
I remember that I didn`t like being around people. I didn`t like noise and I can say that I had agoraphobia.
Meeting people and socializing with them was a nightmare. Spending time with others was like torture to me.
I was afraid of being hurt and of peoples’ comments. So I would rather stay in my cozy solitude.
On the one hand, I wanted to be accepted and to have friends. But on the other hand, I was too shy to get close to people.
I didn`t have trust in them. I thought that I would never be accepted in society the way I was.
I found out that my thoughts created my unsociable personality as well as the fear of other people.
Past experiences have created my negative belief about people.
I’ve been told many times that I need to come out of my shell, to be more sociable and to talk more.
I’ve tried to be what I’m not, and I’ve done what didn’t feel comfortable to me.
I remember that most of the time, going out with friends, I came back home feeling drained, empty and lonely.
I used to think that there was something wrong with me and that I was a lone wolf that will never quite learn how to adjust to society.
These questions were my weak spot:
- Why are you so quiet?
- Why don’t you say something?
- Did a cat eat your tongue?
I rather stay quiet when I don’t have anything to say.
I never had the right answers maybe because these weren’t the right questions. I felt ashamed at first, teased and humiliated in front of everyone.
And when I spoke, their reaction was like this: “Wow, Jana spoke”! I didn’t know what to tell them, so I withdrew myself more.
I went back into my shell and hid. I felt secure there.
I didn’t know why they hated my silence. I didn’t like to be in a large group of people.
I didn’t know what to talk to people.
I thought that the others were right. I believed their words.
How I accepted my introversion
I still don’t have the answers to these questions. But I understand why they asked me that and why they hated my introversion.
I realized that I was considered a threat to them. Their loud and aggressive character couldn’t understand my calm and quiet nature.
Extroverts and aggressive people can’t figure out what is going on in an introverts head.
As we are the silent ones, we don’t talk too much. We keep our thoughts to ourselves, mostly.
It doesn’t mean that we have a bad opinion of someone. It means that we don’t see why it would be interesting that everything that we think, dream and feel, we must express to everyone.
If we have no need to talk and say things just for the sake of saying them, we will not speak.
We prefer standing aside and listening to what others say. If we feel the need to say something, then we say it.
But if we feel like not talking, then we stay quiet and in the silence and comfort of our room, reading a book, meditating, writing, creating, or whatever.
When I started to love who I am in this life, I accepted my personality. I realized that being an introvert is my virtue.
And now there are people who I hang out with in my free time. I am married and I have a child who is an extroverted little boy.
Acceptance comes slowly, and when it comes in your life, you feel free. People accept you, and you become more relaxed in their company.
But you remain faithful to your silence and return to it when you feel like you need it.
Also, since I have a child, I am more communicative with other moms. We have a lot in common.
I do enjoy meeting new people and talking to them. I even start conversations with others more often now.
However, after all the socializing, I look forward to going home and spending some time alone to recharge my batteries.
When you accept who you are, you feel comfortable in your own skin and be with others doesn’t pose a problem. You`ll be open to talking and asking others questions.
Silence is the place where we all belong. Being able to feel good in silence and preferring to stay quiet, is your virtue.
People would love to be like you. The ones who don’t understand you and who offend you have a problem with themselves.
In their eyes, you are a mysterious and unapproachable person. Their insecurity doesn`t give them peace.
But you know that you are at peace with your inner being.
1. Who am I as an introvert?
- I am self-motivated.
- I am self-aware.
- I keep my emotions private.
- I’m quiet and reserved in large groups or around unfamiliar people.
- I’m more sociable around people I know well.
- I’m learning a lot about myself through self-observation.
- I’m a good listener.
- I observe, accept, feel and experience the world around, deep inside of me.
- I have developed powers of intuition, introspection.
2. What takes my energy away?
- Empty conversations, gossip
- Noise from the streets, traffic in big cities
- Too much time spent with others
- Loud music in cafés, at parties
- Waiting in line
- People who ask too many questions
- Arguing about the same things over and over again.
I am never bored being alone. I always find time to have fun, relax, and feel useful.
I love it when I have time for myself. But it doesn`t mean that I hate being around people.
4. The positive side of being an introvert
The positive side of being silent and quiet is that you are closer to your higher self. You are closer to God.
Also, you are a good listener, you let others talk, and you don’t interrupt when they do. That`s a virtue.
Being silent means that inside you, there is a lot of energy which you are expressing through art, creativity, and kindness.
An introvert is led by feelings. We feel everything so deep inside of us. Introverts are highly sensitive as well.
5. The negative side of being an introvert
There are introverts who are full of negative emotions. They show their accumulated negative energy by being antisocial or inflicting pain on others. They are full of hate.
That is because they were taught that silence is their enemy.
That`s why you have to stop thinking that you are a freak or an abnormal person because you are a silent human being.
6. Sometimes it’s better to stay silent
- What do I gain if I say to that person what I think of him?
- Would that change him and his attitude towards me?
If your answer is – yes, it would change his action towards me, then you have to tell him.
In all likelihood, it won’t change anything.
If a discussion is of no interest to you, it is okay not to say anything or not ask any questions.
If someone is offending you, you have two options: to answer or to stay silent. But if you choose to answer, you have to know what to say.
A message for introverts
You have to accept your silent nature because that`s who you are. You can`t pretend to be what you are not.
Follow your feelings.
If you feel like you don`t want to go to some noisy place, then don`t go. If you feel like you would rather stay at home and read a book, then stay at home and read.
Don`t let others’ critiques constrain you from being who you are. At the end of the day we all are in silence, and alone.
Let yourself be free, accept your introvert nature and feel the power that’s inside you.
Are you an introvert?
Did you find yourself in this article?
How do you feel as an introvert?