Why Is Loneliness Such a Painful Feeling and How to Enjoy Solitude

“You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.” 

Wayne Dyer

 

Loneliness becomes a painful feeling when you neglect yourself.

You don`t know how to enjoy solitude.

The problem arises when you think you need someone to make the loneliness disappear.

You are hurt and confused.

You begin to build walls around yourself. You become withdrawn and create a comfort zone that suits you.

You are afraid to get out of it so you wouldn`t be hurt again. Your disappointment in people and your life has led you to a state of hopelessness.

The result is loneliness and depression.

You see the world as a harsh reality in which you don`t want to belong. So, you prefer to stay in your shell, angry at the world around you.

You are sad because you have no one to confide in.

To understand the negative feelings that possess you, you have to know what loneliness really is.

 

What is loneliness?

It doesn`t matter which social class you belong to, what your past was like or what the cause of your loneliness is. What is important to know is that loneliness is a state of mind (and so is poverty/wealth, happiness/unhappiness).

It means that loneliness is a feeling that you can change. Not other people, but only you.

Loneliness hurts when you’re looking for fulfillment and positive feelings in other people, in external circumstances and in places outside of yourself, instead of looking inside yourself.

All these things, you already own. You just need to become aware of it.

Loneliness isn’t something from what you should run away. Most of us feel (or have felt) lonely as if the whole world is against us.

I thought I would not be able to change myself. But when I weathered the loneliness, I loved the moments when I was alone with myself, especially after a day full of obligations.

 

Your reasons (excuses) for living a life in loneliness

The reasons why you feel lonely are nothing more than the excuses to protect yourself from the outside world, so as not to be hurt again. For example:

– Nobody loves me.

– There is no one to hug me when I feel broken inside.

– Nobody needs me.

– They are all against me.

– I have no support from my parents.

– I have no friends.

– Life is hard.

– Life just gives me problems.

…and so on.

All these excuses lead to self-pity. You begin to behave like a victim. You become self-destructive.

Your distrust in people (primarily in yourself) puts you in a condition that leads to loneliness.

Admit to yourself that you led yourself to this state. It`s the only way you will stop feeling lonely and begin to enjoy the solitude.

– You don`t need anyone to say “I love you”. You must say that to yourself.

– You don`t need anyone to embrace you until you embrace the hurt child in you.

– You don`t need anyone to tell you that you’re good and that you deserve only the best until you become good to yourself.

– Life is not hard and full of problems. You are hard on yourself and a problem to yourself.

– The world does not hate you, but you hate yourself.

– It’s not that you don`t have friends because you’re not interesting to them, but because you`re not interesting to yourself.

– Nobody is against you. You are against yourself.

You are empty in a physical sense because you feel empty inside.

Your road to change begins when you become aware of your negative beliefs and misconceptions that you have about yourself and life.

 

Why was I lonely?

At one point, I felt like the loneliest person I`ve known. I was all alone, with or without people around me.

I didn`t have friends. There was only me and the emptiness inside me.

The reasons that brought me to that state are of least importance. What is important is how I felt then.

I was afraid to be alone. I didn`t like my own company. The thought that I will be alone yet another day in silence with my dark thoughts, aroused negative emotions in me.

The scream of my soul was so loud that I considered silence as my enemy. But the only enemy in that silence was I to myself.

I didn`t like myself; I despised my existence. I had a belief that I needed someone to give me a hug; to love me.

Someone to tell me that everything would be fine and things would be even better. I believed that I couldn’t do this on my own.

Luckily, it’s all behind me now. I don’t feel lonely anymore.

I learned to love my solitude. I even need it sometimes. Every day I find time for myself, and I do know how to enjoy by myself.

But I had to go through many lonely years before I could finally accept myself and change my view about loneliness.

Who would have thought that I could love my solitude? And I would not have if I had to wait for others to show me a way out.

When I couldn`t wait that long, I decided to help myself.

 

I found the truth about my state of loneliness

You first need to have a good relationship with yourself to have one with others.

But others have convinced you that you need them for your happiness. As long as you think that way, you will feel lonely even when you are among people.

I realized that my thoughts and reactions to past events, the present situation and the people around me, created the world of loneliness in which I stayed for so long and felt so insignificant.

When you love yourself, you feel good – with or without someone next to you.

If you feel sad, lonely and strange without a partner or a friend, when you are alone, you should know that you are never really alone. Because all you have is you; wherever you go, YOU are with YOU.

You feel lonely when you don`t love yourself and don`t accept yourself.

Don’t be afraid of what silence can bring. Don’t spend time surrounded by other people only to be noticed.

If you quickly get bored when you’re alone and always have an external factor that breaks the boredom for you, you have to practice to be in silence.

 

I found my lost self through silence and meditation

Try to be alone, in complete silence. Just you and your thoughts, as in meditation. You will be the observer.

In solitude, you must be quiet and hear only the sounds of silence around you. Lie down or sit down, relaxed, breathing slowly and deeply.

It’s okay if you fall asleep or feel the emotional tension.

If you feel scared or start to cry, feel the emotion and be in it completely. If you feel the need to cry, then cry. Make it easy for your soul.

Silence doesn`t represent who you are when you`re at work, with family or in society. It represents who you are when you’re quiet; when you silence your mind.

Going through the process of being in silence, you`ll feel more relaxed in your own company and you`ll see the beauty in existence.

In silence, I found who I am, what I need and how to deal with my loneliness. I was lost, and silence directed me to the right path.

I followed my emotions, I listened to my inner voice, and I observed my thoughts. They all gave me the answers I needed.

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I found peace in my solitude

In solitude, you gather strength and energy for the next moment, for your family, for work, for the challenges ahead and for yourself.

When you are indecisive, when you don`t know how to solve a problem, you need to isolate yourself.

You need to be quiet for a while and answers will appear by themselves. You will feel refreshed.

If you stay in solitude every day only for five minutes, your life will look better, and your fear of loneliness will fade away.

Your ego is scared because of the situation that is unknown to him. Ego is accustomed to the noise that he created.

Silence is your natural state. All other alleged voices, screams, and noises are coming from your restless mind (ego).

Change begins by accepting yourself in those five minutes of solitude. Things that make you lonely will begin to take on a different meaning for you.

 

I found the cure for my loneliness through writing

Besides meditation, you can also get occupied with a hobby. With something that interests you enough to fight your loneliness.

I, for example, began writing my first diary, and I realized that I`m good at it. I was healing my emotions with writing.

The writing was my way out, my savior, my cure.

If you don`t have anything that can be your drain valve in lonely times, then you`ll feel unhappy, listless and stuck.

Writing was my drain valve.

Because when you do what you love, and your soul enjoys it, you discover the purpose of your being.

 

Find your way to enjoy the solitude

There are so many things you can do to enjoy being alone. You don`t always need the company of others to break the monotony and to lift your mood.

Solitude is good for personal development and for the recovering of your energy.

You will learn how to be alone, in silence, without any external distractions.

Now, I can`t imagine a day without silence and the time that I have for myself.

 

What is the reason you are feeling lonely? What are some methods you use to feel comfortable in your solitude?

Do you feel lonely right now or are you just alone?

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